Under the Sea — July 31, 2015 at 5:00 am

7 Reasons Dolphins Are Kind of Jerks

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Flipper is probably everyone’s favorite sea creature if you forget about that little guy named Nemo. That’s because dolphins are cute, intelligent, and pretty friendly. You can even swim alongside them in some places. Don’t let that adorable appearance full you, though—these guys can be major jerks when they want to be.

They’re Kidnappers
Dolphins are some of the most intelligent animals on Earth, but those larger than average brains are used for nefarious purposes. Males have a habit of coming together and stealing away females from other pods. They form large groups and work to isolate her from her friends, and then turn the poor gal into a fulltime baby maker until she’s rescued.

They Don’t Like Babies
During mating season male dolphins view babies as competition for the mama’s attention. Rather than concede victory to the small child in need of nurturing, they go to war. They attack the little porpoises until the baby quits breathing and then try to get to work creating a replacement. Kind of horrifying, right?

They Hate Other Species’ Babies, Too
Dolphins love to play with toys, but what do they do when a toy isn’t readily available? Why, they use baby sharks instead. In one instance they were caught using a baby shark as a makeshift volleyball and tossed the poor thing back and forth in some sort of perverse game until humans jumped in and put a stop to it.

They Play With Their Food
Some bottlenose dolphins aren’t content to gobble up their fishy dinner. No, they have to toy with it a little first. Dolphins in Georgia and South Carolina have been seen corralling fish out of the water and onto the shore to their deaths rather than simply eating them. They then follow the poor guys on the shore to collect them after they’ve died.

They Hump Everything that Moves
Okay, maybe this one doesn’t exactly make them jerks but they do seem to have one-track minds. Dolphins will attempt to have sex with pretty much everything that moves. They engage in group sex with each other, other animals when they can (dead or alive) and have even been known to try and have a go at humans. Don’t believe us? Check this out.

They’re Military Assassins
Dolphins have been used for military operations for decades by countries all around the world. They’re mostly used to locate submarines and collect information, but they can also be trained to inflict harm. The Russians, for instance, used dolphins to attack underwater frogmen from other countries with harpoons or pull them to the surface to be tortured and questioned by the military.

They Don’t Respect Boundaries
Orcas are the largest species of dolphins and they have an appetite for seals. However, seals like to make their homes on shelves of ice, along with penguins rather than in the water where they’re easily accessible. You’d think the orcas would respect their personal space and wait for the seals to come back into the water before attacking, but no. Orcas actually create waves by swimming in unison that wash the animals off the ice so they can kill them.

Dolphins are still pretty awesome creatures, but you might want to watch your back next time you get in the water.

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